Simple rules for London

Lists of Note is one of those sites that regular produce lovely content that you’re pleased to have stumbled across. Anyway, theyy recently published a little list Kipling sent to his daughter

Dear Bird,

[…]

I send you a few simple rules for Life in London.

1. Wash early and often with soap and hot water.
2. Do not roll on the grass of the parks. It will come off black on your dress.
3. Never eat penny buns, oysters, periwinkles or peppermints on the top of a bus. It annoys the passengers.
4. Be kind to policemen. You never know when you may be taken up.
5. Never stop a motor bus with your foot. It is not a croquet ball.
6. Do not attempt to take pictures off the wall of the National Gallery or to remove cases of butterflies from the National History Museum. You will be noticed if you do.
7. Avoid late hours, pickled salmon, public meetings, crowded crossings, gutters, water-carts and over-eating.

Ever your

Daddo

Well, never one to be out done I thought – “what are the simple rules for today’s London?”

• Always let passengers off the tube before getting on, they might step on you if you’re  in the way.
• Never smile at a chugger, the aim is to dispirit every last one of these sociopaths. It’s like a game.
• Don’t picnic on the pavements, dog’s have been there before you leaving little land mines.
• The more gear someone in uniform is wearing the less police powers they are likely to have.
• South Londoners must come North, but North Londoners should stay their side of the river… for some reason.
• Never bus something you could cycle, never cycle something you could walk. The only way to learn the city.
• Avoid; Carnaby Street, Camden Market and anywhere else you’re told life is happening. That way lies despair.

That was my attempt anyway. Missed anything?