Pasty-gate provokes some odd reactions in the Evening Standard

Jim Jepps wonders whether the imposition of 20% VAT on hot take away food has disorientated the evening Standard’s news desk.

The imposition of VAT on hot take away snacks is a serious issue for pie eaters everywhere and the humble pasty has become the emblem of the struggle against for liberty, freedom and inexpensive snacking.

The Evening Standard’s approach to the whole story has been entertaining but ever so slightly bemusing. First we have a story in which the “news” is that Boris Johnson did not buy a pasty, but instead he bought a roll. Be-still my news guzzling heart!

Then we have the reporting that the nation’s dear leader, David Cameron, is in fact a fan of crusty, fat filled grub.

David Cameron proclaimed his love for Cornish pasties today in a bid to defuse a row over the VAT rise in the Budget. A day after George Osborne was lampooned as a latter-day Marie Antoinette for failing to recall when he last popped into bakers Greggs for a pie, the Prime Minister went into raptures about the traditional West Country dish.

“I’m a pasty eater myself,” he breathed. “I love a hot pasty. I think the last one I bought was from the West Cornwall Pasty Company.”

He breathed? Was he wheezing, having stuffed himself full to bursting? Was he in the middle of an indecent phone call? What is the Prime Minister doing breathing?

Let me rephrase that.

What is the Evening Standard doing here? What’s wrong with the workmanlike “said”? If you have need of a little extra flamboyance what’s wrong with “commented”, “remarked” or perhaps “observed” – although frankly we’re getting a little unnecessary here.

It didn’t even stop there. Not content with having contaminated the West Cornwall Pasty Company with his toxic, pasty hating brand;

 “I seem to remember I was in Leeds at the time, and the choice was whether to have one of their small ones or large ones,” he drooled. “I’ve got a feeling I opted for the large one.”

What am I meant to do with this image of the PM drooling that’s lodged in my brain now? Not cool Evening Standard, not cool. He was not mopping up unwanted spittle from his chin at the time because he simply “said” these things, so stick to the facts, Jack.

Is this part of a wider trend I’ve missed? Are we to be treated to this sort of unwanted purple editorialising in future? Here are some suggestions for future editions of the paper;

• “The murder suspect is still on the loose” the chief inspector chuckled.
• “Growth figures are still disappointing” the chancellor mumbled.
• “And the new Mayor of London is Boris Johnson” the returning officer sobbed.

The Standard can have any of these, free of charge, with my regards.